she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
