I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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