I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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