He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
