i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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