so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
