I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
