Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize