I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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