If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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