Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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