you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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