I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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