just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
