he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
