I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
