it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Even my vagina gasped.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
