Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize