Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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