Heybabeimwearingurpanties
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
