I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
