**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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