i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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