she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
