After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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