what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize