So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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