went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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