I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
