Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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