honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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