This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
