when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
