im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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