i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
