walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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