3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this boner is exhausting
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
