Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize