he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
