I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want to make out with him forever
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
