ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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