The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
