Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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