i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
