Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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