Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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