Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
