Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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