Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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