When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
