He told me they were just razor bumps!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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