Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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