Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
