I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
