I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
