When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
