I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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