i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
