Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
