You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
