you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
only you would photoshop your dick
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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