Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
