do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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