I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
