you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
