i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
