Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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