Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize