I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This house was built for laser tag.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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