We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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