I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
