did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
