They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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