I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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