She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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